This was supposed to be an intelligent article addressing the whole idea of Virtual Reality, a genre which seemed like it was just around the corner in the late 90’s yet now etc, etc. As discussed with Stueynet this was going to be the “money” article which was going to put Geek on the blog map, except that I just can’t do that - I can only write from my “heart”, & that’s full of ignorance, alcohol & stupidity, not, unfortunately, “money”.

So, of course, what I thought of was more in the vein of a jokey article outlining parodies of new VR systems supposedly due to come out in the next generation of consoles. I give you:

The New VR Super Systems.

Nintendo. Following in the wake of their unparalleled success in the current generation of consoles, Nintendo finally follows up on the vaguely promising ( yet unspeakably horrible ) Virtual Boy with their new VR system, Mr VR Buddy. Designed with Soccer Moms, 3 year olds & the mentally disenfranchised in mind, Mr VR Buddy is you gateway to a new world of wonder – as long as your idea of a world of wonder involves exploring simple, brightly colored environments while cooking, cleaning & exercising.

Sony. Wow, who is more screwed than Sony? The spectacular disaster known as the PS3 demanded a strong answer in the next wave of consoles, & that answer is here: the…PSVR. “We’re pulling out all the stops for this hardware” said a nervous corporate suit, “yes, you could say this new system is free of stops. It’s stopless…we got nothing.” The new Sony VR system is apparently so hard to program for that it took a development team of 20 people the better part of a month to code their logo. “It’s OK if you stay away from 3D” said one the programmers.

Microsoft. The PC fueled juggernaut ( except in Japan ) continues their conquest of the gaming world with the ultimate expression of VR technology – the Xbox Infinity! “We thought about another number name, like 720 or 1280 or something like that, but then we thought – Infinity! Awesome, right? You can’t top that. Actually…so what the hell do we call the system after the Infinity? Damn it. Can we do this interview next week? I gotta make some calls. Damn it.” Developers expressed their enthusiasm for the easy to code for system, & predict it will do well with people who like to shoot & kill things in 3D.

That’s about it, another wasted opportunity to advance the reputation of the site.

Happy Marios.