Since impoverished, demented & elderly Wishbane is undateable in the real world, maybe it’s time to get serious about some videogame dating ( that’s healthy ).

Join me in wishing what’s left of my mental health bon voyage as I rate the most dateable women in videogames, explain why dateable is different than “hot” & basically demonstrate once again how much free time I have.

Most women in videogames tend to be attractive, it’s hard to find one that isn’t – almost as hard as it is to find virtual gals who don’t have less than appealing personal “issues” like being crazy, dressing inappropriately & wanting to murder everyone.

But it’s not always the case – only almost always. Even though I had to stop far short of VGG’s usual top 10, I still managed to identify 5 women in videogames who you could date. If, you know, you weren’t a geek.

5] Gum/Jet Set Radio. If you’re the right age ( i.e., way younger than me ), Gum’s the perfect girl – Stylish, beautiful & with the best taste in music. Sure, she’s got a little problem with her tagging habit, but really, does anyone even consider graffiti a crime anymore?

4] Alyx Vance/Half Life 2. Super bright & pretty ( not to mention brave & resourceful ), Alyx is just in the wrong place at the wrong time – take her out of that context & she’s probably just as interested in movies & music as the next gal.

3] Jill Valentine/Resident Evil. Sure, Jill’s got some potential for violence, but as long as you’re not a zombie you should be OK – actually, if you’re a regular reader of this site this may not be a great partner for you.

2] Sophitia Alexandra/Soul Calibur. Roped into the quest for Soul Calibur by the god Hephaestus, Sophie is really just a humble baker’s daughter, helping out around the family’s little shop back home. After she executes her duty to Olympus, I estimate that you’ll have at least one or two good years together before she gets really fat, at which point you can dump her for -

1] Aerith Gainsborough/Final Fantasy VII. Was there any real doubt that sweet, ladylike Aerith would be number one? Not that the two of you would be together that long ( considering ), but no relationship lasts forever, right?

And there you have it. I hope you enjoyed our generic top [insert subject] list – it’s what we do.