Another day, another top ten list – that’s stupidity for you. Take it from me fellow geeks, alcoholism & mental disenfranchisement are not conducive to creativity.

Without further ado, my list of the top 10 coolest weapons in videogames:

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10] Gravity Hammer/Halo 3. I love to smash things – nothing evokes the pure joy of crushing your target like the Gravity Hammer. If the appropriate visual effects ( i.e., giblets ) accompanied the visceral sound effects, this would be number 1.

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9] Chainsaw ( Lancer )/Gears of War. Out of the many chainsaws in videogame history, there was nothing else even close to this.

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8] Gold PP7/Goldeneye. An unlockable cheat, the gold pp7 functions like a rail gun but controls like a handgun. The best reward weapon ever.

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7] Energy Sword/Halo 2 & 3. If one-hit kills are your thing – what am I saying, of course they are. The weapon which revolutionized cheapness.

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6] Street Sweeper/Mercenaries. Another unlockable cheat, the streetsweeper had a magazine of 3000 bullets, a super fast rate of fire & no kickback. Good name. ( this isn’t actually an image of the Mercenaries weapon – I couldn’t source one – but this is called a street sweeper.)

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5] RCP90/Goldeneye. Chew up your target faster than William Shatner can chew up scenery – for some real fun, you can duel wield them.

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4] Gravity Gun/Half Life 2. Also known as the Zero Point Energy Weapon, the Gravity Gun’s ammo is only limited by your creativity.

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3] The Particle Weapon/F.E.A.R. F.u.c.k.i.n.g. a.w.e.s.o.m.e. The particle weapon provided the first truly next-gen effect I experienced on my 360, visually stunning & conceptually horrifying. And really fun to use.

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2] BFG9000/Doom. The original insanely powerful, badass weapon – this is called being empowered, Dr Phil.

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1] Valentine ( Ivy’s Sword )/Soul Calibur. Named after Ivy herself, the whip-sword doles out more humiliation per second than any other weapon. Nubs beware – like the Gravity Gun, Valentine requires creativity to be used effectively.( Hey, you can see part of the sword, OK? )
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That’s right – no matter what the list is, Ivy’s always number 1.

( Meanwhile, somehow the HTML is screwed up now – it was fine last night. How the hell does that happen? I have no idea what’s wrong with it & I refuse to fix it. )