Everyone loves Itagaki & Team Ninja – the sophisticated plots, tasteful costuming & innovative gameplay offered in it’s landmark titles represent in many ways the high water mark for videogames.

After the current iterations of it’s iconic Ninja Gaiden & DOA series, however, it seems Itagaki-san & crew have some completely new projects in mind – I wonder what they could be? If this were a real Website I could ask him – but it isn’t, so it’s just more of the same nonsense from us.

Here, then, the Top 10 Future – well, you know, like the post title. As made up by VGG – excelsior!

10] Breasteriser - “It’s like the Wii Fit,” says an excited Itagaki “but to make the breast healthier – the big breast would be champion, like the thin person in Wii Fit.” “It’s not just for girls” added a Team Ninja coder “from what we’ve seen at E3, many of the male gamers have chests that would score well.”

9] Tecmo Super Ninja Bowl – “With the football, it’s like war, right?” explained the Team ninja leader, “but also in wars you have the secret soldiers, the ninjas! So why not in football, you know, have the secret players, invisible to others – secret plays, suddenly the ball appears in the goal. Mysterious!”

8] My little Pony Bounce Rider – “Like our DOA Beach Volley-ball games, the goal here is just to have good times,’” beamed a proud Itagaki “the young girls ride on the ponys, making friends, gambling & always riding, bouncing up & down – bounce, bounce, bounce!”

7] Master Beater – “It’s like the rhythm music game, but taken to the next level, you know?” Began Itagaki cautiously “There are films of the DOA girls, & music – well, when you see the special controller you’ll figure it out.” Itagaki pauses & looks thoughful “Maybe it’s just for Japan.”

6] Super Tecmo Pimp – “To run the stable of prostitutes, check their progress & so on,” Itagaki begins, “it’s the classic formula of the resource management game, but it’s never been done in this genre.” Itagaki looks genuinely puzzled “I can’t think of why, it’s perfect! Who wants to manage horses racing when you can manage girls fucking – it’s good!”

5] Urinal Glance – “Sometimes we are curious about a stranger’s sexual part,” says Itagaki “not in a homosexual way, but more competitive curiosity – this is the game!” He continues “Can you glance enough to get the idea, but not to get caught – simple, old school gameplay, maybe for WiiWare.”

4] Voyeur King – “The thrill of the interesting sights, hard to reach but fascinating” explains the Team Ninja leader “with the danger of being caught, but always to strive for more, better sights – & to take photographs for others to enjoy.” Itakagi ponders “Actually, this will interface well with Master Beater.”

3] Tecmo Super Hockey Fights – “I don’t understand this sport,” says Itagaki in reference to hockey “but I understand the fighting – excellent!” Itagaki continues “So why not just have the fighting part, & the speed – but the sticks must have steel blades, & the players should be girls, all in armor.” He concludes “For scoring, you can hit the head of the opponent into the goal at the end.”

2] Super Geisha 5000 - “You build the dream girl, selecting all the parts, upgrading etc.” explains Itagaki-san “The goal is to have the best potential for pleasure, you can challenge others online & enjoy your creation alone with the Master Beater peripheral.” He scratches his chin thoughtfully “Maybe then you should see a psychiatrist.”

1] Gaiden Gaiden – “”Gaiden” means “side-story” in Japanese” says Itagaki,”traditionally, “gaiden” would be attached to a popular series, explaining the background, but I thought – why not just have the “gaiden”, just the interesting side-story part…” He trails off here & scratches his head “What the hell have I just said?” As I read the quote back to him, Itagaki shakes his head & gets up to leave. “This interview is over.”

Special thanks to Jordan for “Urinal Glance”. Yes, I actually had to outsource ideas for this Top Ten.