Yahtzee's take on E3.

Being a game blogger without some E to the power of 3 clairvoyance is considered blasphemy so I’ve decided to take a stab at it. Rather than giving predictions that will be accurate to 33.33333333 percentage of truth factor, I’m just going to list whatever comes to mind.I’ll do this in 4 installments leading up to the big day. So, without further Apu, I present to you Eightwithout’s eighty things coming to E3 that are without merit Part 1:

1. A text adventure game is announced for any system… ever.

2. Sequel: The Game is announced. The original is still left in the shadows.

3. Pey’j’s mecha suit is revealed and exclusive videos show him flying all over the world in Beyond Good and Evil 2.

5. Mechwarrior Mercenaries: World at War is revealed by Apple.

6. Ace Attorney: The Buttz Files is performed by cosplayers. No one objects.

7. Kojima Production’s secret project is shown to be Metal Gear Ac!d Rain. Stormclouds appear over everyone’s heads except those of baseball card collectors. (This is after several red herrings)

8. The American chain of 7-11 comes across wrong information and leaks the truth: the new Kojima game is a re-imagining of Snake’s Revenge.

9. Rock Revolution 2 drum is shown to be a robotic drummer that has eighty buttons that have to be pressed in a certain order to so that the robot can make any sort of sense of the kit from the first game.

Harder than real drums.

10. A new Sonic game is shown which features the hedgehog on the moon meaning that he’s always a Werehog… with a sword. It is not 2D.

11. A Metroid 2 wiimake is announced. It is not 2D.

12. Koji Igarashi showcases a new rhythm based Castlevania game. It is not 2D.

13. Many games are shown off with new/old 3D technology. They are not in 2D.

14. 3D glasses for the 3D games are made to look cooler. Hipster gamers protest.

The future.

15. Sony takes some pictures with their new Eye-Toy-Eyextreme and put passerbys in the game. They do not make it out alive.

16. Microsoft cribs from Nintendo again with its motion sensing technology: the Xperience. Grannies of 360 owners rejoice as they can now play tennis.

17. The Zune officially enters the gaming gauntlet. Bedroom developers immediately start making games that will eventually be banned.

18. Dune is the first game slated to come out for Zune.

19. I-tunes competes with Dune and Zune to the boon of users that were swooned by Apple’s tune and not Microsoft’s goons. It does this by stating that all apps are now cost a loon (that’s a dollar to our American readers).

20. Another F.E.A.R. comic book is produced by Dark Horse entitled “From A,l,m,a to Commas.”

Commas are frightful, scary, and terrifying, AND horrible.

To be continued comma!