E3 2009... a half a day in and already better than 2008.

Well, today is the day everyone. E3 has started in sunny L.A. and I’m here with my final 20 predictions, late, for an event that has already started. What’s the word for divining something after it has already happened? Oh, knowing is the word I’m looking for… I think.

I do know that some of my wild statements have already come true which is kind of weird. I guess with 60 guesses, something is bound to come true. Man, I really wish my blogging handle was twentywithout; this entire series would’ve been a lot easier. Enough whining, lets finish this thang so I can get some cake!

61. During one of their closed door events, Disney Interactive Studio lets slip out a new level for Split/Second which takes place on winding parking garage while a volcano erupts in the centre of the city.

62. At least two or three exhibitors merge into one company in the minds of E3 patrons because all their company names start with the word ‘game’.

63. To match their change in television programming, MTV Games announces a new line up of vg adaptations of their roster of reality tv shows.

64. The next album to be released as DLC for Rock Band is revealed to be “The Birds, The Bees and The Monkees” by The Monkees.

65. With the rhythm game market shrinking, Activision sticks mainly to Guitar Hero 5 and DJ Hero leaving Van Halen in the dust.

66. Activision shows that they have a sense of humour by admitting the whole PSP Guitar Hero drum thing was just one big joke. I mean, plugging a small system into a big peripheral or having some sort of tapping mechanism… that’s just crazy!

Just hook up a wiimote to your PSP to start rocking!

67. Activision’s new commitment to quality over quantity means that Guitar Hero Dio just remains a fervent dream. I cry a little inside.

68. Def Jam Rapstar is shown to have a gun peripheral.

69. Joysticks, gamepads, third party products and other items are peddled by many exhibitors and many attendees are left not caring.

70. Microsoft says a whole bunch of stuff at their press conference and I don’t finish this article in time to make stupid guesses about what they might show off.

71. GoW 3 (which one… which one… which one) is said to consist now of the choice to play the game in two different ways: one guns blazing and the other quietly picking off swarms of locusts one by one via stealth somehow. Berzerk mode is detailed by Epic Games as well, allowing Marcus or Dom to slow down time in order to target and kill multiple enemies in a single go.

72. As The Sims 3 is released, buzz around E3 that The Sims 4 is already in production. The speculation is that the next version will allow people to control an area as big as a city that is literally brimming with Sim people. This allows the player to take part in a simulation that’s never been done before.

Oh... right.

73. Babel Media promises to pretty much eliminate bad translations of games to reduce the All-Your-Base factor to less than 1 percent.

74. E3 2009 is completely H151 free because of the efforts of Capcom Japan.

75. At the Sony press conference, it is confirmed that the ‘Pretentious Game Series’ will be coming to PSN as of the fall.

76. A sequel for Lingering in Shadows is to be part of the Pretentious Game Series and will allow complete player immersion for their next non-game.

77. A few new IPs are also given the limelight at Sony’s keynote, and all of them contain elements from the other big games on the market.

78. A slimmer Wii bares it all at Nintendo’s press conference and to throw everyone a curveball, it actually has a price increase!

79. Strong Bad’s Burninate those Calories Off will be bundled with the Wii Slim through Telltale Games. Nintendo is extremely optimistic that this will cure the American obesity crisis.

80. At the end their keynote, a Zen-balanced-happy Nintendo finally gives in and shows off their wii-sabres. Through light amplification technology, a baton of pure energy shoots out of the new controllers and allows players to fully immerse themselves in a sword fight in real life. Someone loses an arm as two volunteers display the new peripheral. The crowd goes nuts. After everyone has quieted down, Reggie Fils-Aime says that psychokenisis will not be available with the wii-sabre but will be on the market soon.

Huzzah for old memes!

And that’s all she wrote and by she, I mean me who is actually a he. Check back here at Video Game Geek for post E3 impressions and harsh, harsh judgements. It’s been a slice and now I’mg going to get a slice of cake.