Well, it’s getting to be that time of year again: Valentine’s Day. The flowers… the chocolates… the undeniable feeling that you’re being robbed… it all comes together to create a truly unique holiday that really should not exist. Now a full decade into the 21^st century, some are worried that their precious day of romance is becoming too commercialized. It’s not about the gifts, the spending, or the delicious February 13^th break-up tears – it’s about the love.

And thanks to Bioware’s latest and greatest masterpiece, Mass Effect 2, you don’t even need a boyfriend or girlfriend in order to get your romance on. Sure, the critically acclaimed sequel doesn’t have the steamy, raunchy, “look at that side-boob!” sex scenes like it’s predecessor had, but it’s still got lots of lovin’ for all the romantic gamers out there. Here’s a list of potential partners that Commander Shepard could be doing the horizontal mambo with, if, you know, you want a break from saving the galaxy, or something.

Miranda Lawson:

Let’s start off with Miranda, the genetically enhanced Cerberus officer with a heart of gold, and a trunk full of junk. I’m sure 90% of the guys playing the game will attempt to get it on with Miranda, and with good reason. She’s voiced and modeled after the gorgeous Yvonne Strahovski, and has an air of confidence about her that is just out of this world (get it!?). When chatting it up with Miranda, make sure to continuously mention that she is more than just a genetically modified sex soldier. Don’t worry, she can’t tell that you’re lying – Project Natal isn’t out yet.

Fun Fact: She’s got a twin sister, ahhhhh yeahhhhhh! Wait… she’s younger than Miranda? … she’s 19 though?… AHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHH!!

Tali’Zorah nar Rayya:

The delightful germaphobe Tali returns in Mass Effect 2, and is in the mood for some loving. Lucky for you, it seems our robo-ho has had a little crush on Shepard for quite some time, and won’t take too much persuading in order to shed the biosuit. Remind her that you’re on a dangerous suicide mission and could perish at any moment, and she’ll be lubing up in antibiotics faster than you can say “Migrant Fleet”.

Fun Fact: Tali has an exotic Russian/Ukranian accent. HOT!

Jack:

Power is sexy…right? I mean, just because she has a guy’s name, is bald, escaped from prison, and has more tattoos than a member of the Hell’s Angels, it doesn’t mean Jack isn’t the romantic type. Besides, she’s one of the most powerful human biotics in the entire galaxy. Just think of all the possibilities! Help her nuke the Cerberus facility she was raised in and remind her that she’s not alone in the universe, and you’ll be feeling her head stubble in no time.

Fun Fact: It is possible to have sex with Jack and not earn the Paramour achievement. How rude!

Jacob Taylor:

Jacob is the human romance option for female Shepard’s this time around. Eat your heart out, Kaiden Alenko! Jacob joins up with Shepard right at the beginning of the game, and although he may not be as interesting as some of the alien party members, he is of the same race. Hey, to some people, that’s important. To each their own. Just be warned: if you do sleep with Jacob, there could be repercussions in Mass Effect 3 in regards to Kaiden… that is, if you didn’t kill him off in the first game.

Fun Fact: Jacob claims to be an expert in both biotics AND heavy weaponry. Sounds like someone is overcompensating…

Garrus Vakarian:

The badass, scouter-wearing turian Garrus returns from the first Mass Effect as well, and is a romance option for female Shepard’s. Sure, the dialogue can get a little stale when flirting with Garrus. Hell, he looks like Freddy Krueger with dreadlocks… how do you even go about making that seem sexy? But if you stick with it, maybe by the time Mass Effect 3 rolls around, Shepard will have given birth to your little human-turian freak babies.

Fun Fact: I wouldn’t recommend mouth-to-mouth kissing with Garrus. Turian mouth flaps are just weird. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Thane Krios:

The Drell assassin marks an interesting choice for a love interest for female Shepard’s out there – he’s stealthy, cold, and quick. Great attributes for a hit man, no doubt, but in the sack…not so much. Nevertheless, if you help the troubled Thane reunite with his son, and show off some of that classic Commander charm, he’ll be chomping at the bit to break his human cherry.

Fun Fact: Drell’s have perfect memory recall. No pressure or anything… but he’ll remember your first time…FOREVER.